The Ed in the Hat
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: The perfect story for Valentine's Day!  All ruined thanks to Double-D!  Rated T for mild violence, mild language and the loss of Double-D's hat!
1. The Chase Is On!

**I do not own _Ed, Edd n' Eddy_, but that doesn't stop you guys from enjoying this awesome fan fic!**

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The Ed in the Hat

The Chase Is On!

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Ed, Edd (AKA: Double-D) and Eddy were running for their lives. They don't usually run this fast – okay, they do – but they were running **really** fast. They **had** to run, or else they'd be goners.

I bet you are wondering why they were running. Not far behind them were there three teenage girls. Guess who?

That's right; the _**Kanker Sisters**_!

And they are after the Eds.

The Eds scurried through various terrains: suburban housing estates; towns; woods; creeks; abandoned building sites, you name it. They were trying to escape the Kanker Sisters.

When they finally reached the junkyard, the Eds finally decided to split up. Ed went left. Eddy went right. Double-D had no choice but to take the unsatisfactory route: straight ahead.

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Ed was the first to go down. The blond Kanker, May, pounced on him. Although May was the weakest of the Kankers and Ed was the strongest in the Cul-de-Sac, May was fully capable of restricting Ed from getting back up.

"NOOOOOO!" hollered Ed. "NO KANKER FOR ED! NO KANKER FOR ED!"

Using all her might, May stripped off Ed's jacket and T-shirt, and shrieked with merciless joy: "Now take off your pants! We're gonna have a **baby**!"

Ed finally regained his strength, and bellowed: "I AM **ED**!" He fired himself up onto his feet and forced May off his body. The chase continued.

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Eddy was the second to go down. The ginger Kanker, Lee, pounced on him. It was not surprising that the second strongest of the Kankers could pin the second weakest of the Eds.

"HELP ME!" hollered Eddy. "I'M TOO YOUNG!"

"Ha!" laughed Lee with an evil smile. "You can never be too young to spend some quality time with your** girlfriend**!"

Eddy finally regained his strength, and bellowed: "IN YOUR **DREAMS**, BITCH!" He fired himself up onto his feet and forced Lee off his body. The chase continued.

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Double-D kept running as fast as his short, weak legs could carry him. He knew that it was futile to keep running, but his instincts took full control over his body and he kept on going.

...until he stopped at a dead end. He was surrounded by junk on either side, a tall fence in front of him, and what he was trying to avoid all along was blocking his only escape route.

It was the strongest and most dangerous of the Kanker Sisters:

Marie.

Whereas Double-D would have been the weakest in the Cul-de-Sac had it not been for Jimmy.

"Well, well," said Marie, menacingly, "looks like it's just you and me!"

Marie lunged for Double-D.

Double-D tried to force Marie off his body, but unfortunately, unlike Ed and Eddy, Double-D was not strong enough to do so.

Double-D could not restrain himself from peeking through his fingers while Marie was applying her favourite instrument of torture onto her lips.

When she was finished, she put the poison back in her pocket and said: "Get ready, Double-D!"

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**Ooh, Double-D has the worst luck. And so will you if you don't read the next chapter. Oh, and send reviews when you feel like lit. You are not obliged to send reviews, but they are excellent motivational tools.**


	2. The Chase Has Ended!

**I honestly wasn't expecting to update this story this early, but I did! Enjoy the show!**

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The Ed in the Hat

The Chase Has Ended!

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Double-D's life flashed before his eyes, when suddenly, the wind came along with full force.

Suddenly, the blue-haired Kanker was no longer sitting on him and trying to torture him. Instead, she was standing a few feet away from him, screaming as loud as she could. She was pointing...

...at **Double-D**!

"Shush! Why are you screaming at me?!" asked Double-D in a panicked tone.

In an instant, he no longer needed Marie Kanker to explain.

Double-D's ski-hat was lying on the ground between him and her.

Double-D wished he could pick up his hat and cover what has to be covered before anybody else could see this, but he was unable to do so as the screams coming from Marie prevented him from coming anywhere near it. Double-D valued his hearing.

After all, maybe Double-D could scare the blue-haired Kanker away from him. That would be quite an achievement, considering the fact that Marie Kanker was the most terrifying of the Kanker Sisters. Even though Lee was the self-appointed leader of the trio.

Not thirty seconds later, Lee and May Kanker showed up with their respective victims dragged kicking and screaming behind them.

"Hey, what's with all the screaming?" demanded May. "Can't you see my boyfriend and I are trying to start a family?"

"**Not** 'til you're 16, _not_ 'til you're 16," Lee lectured May.

Marie used all of her energy to point at Double-D.

It took only a split second for Marie's half-sisters to realise what all that screaming was about.

"AW SICK, IT IS **HIDEOUS**!" shrieked Lee.

"It's awful!" gagged May. "It looks **worse** than Meg Griffin from _Family Guy_!"

As she said that, Meg Griffin from _Family Guy_ showed up from nowhere and screamed: "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HA-". Meg looked at Double-D for one second. "Uh, never mind!" she said, then she took out a pistol and shot herself.

"Quick, toss me the gun!" barked Lee. May snatched the pistol and threw it to Lee. Lee caught the gun and shot May and Marie. She then pressed the gun against her temple, and before she pulled the trigger, she said in a serious voice: "We'll be back to shift you m************ in some other episode or fan-fic! Oh, and Double-D?"

"Yes, Lee?" asked Double-D.

"Get a knife and cut that goddamn conjoined foetus off your head before we reincarnate!" hissed Lee. "Or else we'll do it **for **you!"

Then Lee pulled the trigger.

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**There, finished! Now you all know what's under Double-D's hat, (well, at least according to my own personal opinion). Now send reviews or you will all have what Double-D has, (in this fan-fic)! Only messing with ya! Review only when you want to!**


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